Member In Focus
Jason Taylor Age 29

Jason Taylor has been a contributing uFOSTERsuccess member for 1 year. He is also an active CASA volunteer. Jason works as a technical support lead at Mountain America Credit Union and is pursuing a degree in Computer/Political Science at Westminster College in Salt Lake City.

It is commonly said that you become a product of your environment. I like to think that my environment is a product of my actions.

Many people who know me on an intimate level, question how I am so different than the environment I grew up in. I grew up as an only child in upstate NY. I was born without knowing my biological father for the first 18 years of my life. My mother had numerous violent relationships and was a "victim" of domestic violence for the majority of my life. Drugs and violence were more common than family dinners.

I can be thankful there were only a couple of times in my life where I was physically abused. The majority of abuse I suffered was more psychological. For example, I remember an incident that occurred with my mother's first husband where he was beating her in front of me. I tried to stop him only to have him push me off and continue beating her. He then stopped, came over to me, and demanded that I remove my belt. I assumed that he was going to hit me with it and gladly took it off (this meant that he would not hit her). However, to my horror he preceded to go back over and start beating her with it. He said that she was "getting it" because I had the nerve to step in.

These types of occurrences happened routinely for twelve years. I will never forget when my life changed forever. It was in August of 1985. My mother had gotten into one of the ever so common drunken fights with her current boyfriend, when he started to attack her and punch her as usual. No longer able to listen to my mom's screams for him to stop, I grabbed him and kicked him off of her. This resulted in a struggle between us that ended with him picking me up and throwing me in my room. He then pushed over my oak dresser, pinning all 110 pounds of me to my bed. With a burst of adrenaline, I was able to get the dresser off of me, jump out my window, and run to a neighbor's house where I called for help. The police finally came and I told them everything that was happening. They walked me back to my house to figure out what was going on. When they knocked on the door, to my surprise, my mother answered. Her white shirt was soaked in blood and sweat and her mouth and eye were already beginning to swell. The police asked her what happened and unbelievably, she said that she had fallen and nothing was wrong (this is common in domestic abuse cases). I then took it upon myself as a 12-year-old boy to press charges myself. Little did I know that this choice would send me into the foster care system and change my life forever.

After going to a couple of "temporary" foster homes, I was taken to Bonnie and George's. Their love and dedication over the next five years helped me to have the strength to become who I am today.

I have now started my own family. I am married to the greatest woman that I have ever had the blessing of knowing and, I am an ecstatic father of an energetic, happy little girl, who will never have to experience the life I did. With help from my foster family and strength given to me by a man who's example spanned the chasm of time (you know who you are super dad). I was able make my environment a product of my choices and beat the statistics. You do not have to be a product of your environment. Your future is your choice!

You were in 3 foster homes, how long did it take you to open up to your foster families?
Because of the way I grew up, always moving, my mom always having different men in her life, I tend to adapt to my environment fairly quickly. However because of that, I do not put too much stock in people and tend to not become too intimate with anyone. It took me about three months to finally open up at my foster home. Even when I did, I still kept a safe distance away.

When you were in Foster Care, who did you blame for being there?
Originally, I blamed by Mom's boyfriend for the situation. After all, he was the one who was abusing my mother. Then not long after I was placed with Bonnie and George, my mother, social worker and I had a court appearance to see how long I would be in foster care. My mother in court said that she wanted me back. The judge told her that if she were to give up drinking and drugs and enroll into a rehab program, then she could get me back when proof of compliance was evident. My mother in the court room looked at the judge and said "I am, who I am, and no one, not you or my son can change that." It was at that moment that I realized my life was determined by her addictions and I started blaming her for her unwillingness to do what was required to improve our lives.

I never really blamed myself for my mom's addictions, however, I was constantly questioning why I was going through what I was? Why had God placed me in the life I was in? Why could I not have the opportunities at life that I saw other children have? These questions ate at me every time I saw other kids living with a happy, healthy, stable family. Over time, I had to realize that holding onto that resentment would eat me up and hold me back from succeeding. I decided that I had to let go and pave my own path in life.

What relationship do you have with your biological parents today?
As far as my biological father, I only met him a handful of times when I turned 18. I never saw him before that and I have not seen him since. I have a fairly close, however strained relationship with my mom. Since the birth of my daughter I have seen our relationship grow.

How did you feel around major Holidays your first years in foster care?
Major holidays in foster care were tough. Not only was I not with my mother (the worst part) but I felt like a charity case. In one foster home at Christmas time, I remember getting a package of socks and a radio while I watched their children get clothes, toys and games. This was one of the first times since I had arrived in September that I felt like I did not belong. That I was only "a foster child".

What was your biggest fear in foster care?
For the longest time, my biggest fear was having to go from a stable environment at Bonnie and George's back "home" to what at the time was a living hell.

How were you treated at school as a foster child?
I always had trouble in school. In part, because of my disability (Cerebral Palsy), in part because I was poor, and in part because I refused to make any meaningful friendships. Going to school as a foster child was quite different. First of all, two of my foster sisters and my foster brother went to the same school, so they always looked after me. But when I started to stand up to the bullies myself I received the respect of other students. At this time I actually obtained a status of popularity regardless of how small or fleeting it was.

What personal advice would you give to someone looking to be a foster Parent?
Do It! Make sure that you are someone who is willing to take the bad (with the worse) with the good. Have a stable environment (these children have already been through more than most people go through in a lifetime). Most of all, love them unconditionally!! Imagine what our world would be like if every loving, responsible family chose to take in even just one child who needs a stable home.