Advice for youth getting ready to age out of foster care or youth who recently aged out
For Foster Alumni, what is your advice for youth aging out of foster care now?
For Everyone, what is your advice for youth aging out of foster care now?
(Please include whether or not you have lived in foster care as part of your comment:) Thank You
July 13th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
My advice for youth aging out of foster care would be to do your best to prepair yourselves for being on your own and become self sufficient.
Once you age out of the system, they are no longer responsible for you so you have to take responsibility for yourselves. There are services available, so utilize them. Choose your friends wisely. Don’t go with the croud. Finish school and if you can go on to college. Hold a job. Just do your best.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
My advice for youth aging out of fostr care is find friends who are making smart choices and heading in a positive direction… find friends that are empowering to be around… find friends who rebel against choices that will mess up their life and who instead make choices to better their life and the lives of the people around them.
I aged out of foster care in 1991 and having a friend I could count on who was making smart choices and heading in a positive direction made all the difference for me. I also found a volunteer opportunity that inspired me and eventually ended up getting hired. The poeople that worked where I worked became like a community for me…and it was a place that attracted people that were positive and empowring to be around….
My advice is to surround yourself with a community of people who are heading in a positive direction… Be kind to yourself. Have faith in yourself. Pursue your goals and have faith in your goals and your dreams. Give yourself lots of chances. Let it be ok to make mistakes and learn from them. I’ve made the mistake way too much of beating myself up for mistakes but often the most successful people make the most mistakes cause they dare to try out new tasks and of course make mistakes as they are learning new skills.
Dare to pursue and live your dreams while remembering that you are just as important as any accomplishment and more important than most… so keep perspective and take care of you too.
Have fun, laugh, and be yourself! Let people know you!
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Having aged out of foster care, myself, the best advice I can give to others is to trust yourself. First of all surround yourselves around positive people, and people who will empower you, support you and encourage you. When you have a community of people who are out to have you succeed, you can accomplish anything.
Also, apply yourself in school now. Don’t let your peers hold you back from giving everything you got, to get the best grades you can. Another thing that helped me, was getting good grades. My Senior year of high school I applied for an acedemic scholarship and got it because of my grades. I also got two other scholarships based on my hardships and circumstances. When you are a senior, work with your counselor and find any scholarships that specifically apply to your situation, like based on being in foster care, or having overcome challenges to get where you are. Use your own situation for your benefit. I got two other scholarships by doing this.
Of course, Going to college is a great idea. First of all, you have roommates, which can be helpful in building and having a community. Second of all, it can really get you started on a career path to financially take care of yourself. By applying to as many scholarships, grants and loans as you can, You can virtually have your tuition, and housing paid for. When I went to collage, I also got a part-time job to pay for food, etc.
Also, have fun and believe in yourself. If you have trouble believing in yourself, surround yourselves around a community of people that believe in you.
You can have anything you want if you apply yourself, trust yourself, and surround yourselves around positive people. These are 3 key factors to success.
Good Luck,
Heather
July 31st, 2008 at 10:30 pm
SUBJECT: ROOMMATES Hi there young person! I lived in foster care from age 12 to age 16. I did not have the benefit of participating in the independant living program but one of my foster sisters did and she taught me a lot! Just after I turned 16 I moved home with my parents for about two months and then moved in with her into her small apartment and we shared expenses. It worked out well for us financially, we both worked and finished high school together, sharing in the highs and lows. We were already good friends and true sisters by the time we moved into that tiny apartment but we still had petty disagreements because that’s what happens when you share space with anyone - if you plan to have a roommate, as Barb mentions in her comment, make sure that you choose someone who shares your same basic value system and that you have a level of trust already. Once you have done that keep in mind that even the best of friends will disagree sometimes as long as you are both pulling your weight financially - choose your battles wisely. My foster sis and I had many fights but we both knew that when the chips were down we would have the other’s back!
August 1st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
SUBJECT: PREPARING Hi again! I hope that you are reading these and taking notes!!:) All these posts have something that you can take away and use. I want you to know that living on your own is FUN!!! It is! It’s exciting and I’ll bet if you are just preparing to head out on your own you are just ‘chompin’ at the bit’ so to speak. As well you should be! You will do great! You probably have been counseled on this a million times - prepare a budget and stick to it. Hopefully, you’ve been buying a couple of bath towels and dishes here and there and I’m going to trust that you are smart enough to know all that “Stick to your budget” stuff by this point. But here’s the deal here…you can’t over-prepare whatever you have figured your budget at add some cushion. There is always, I mean always SOMETHING that comes up that you don’t have in your budget. One easy way to do this is to pay yourself first! What?!? I’m not talking about hitting a movie or buying that cute pair of jeans first and then paying your bills, that’s rewarding yourself first and that will only lead to you not having fun and not enjoying your newfound freedom!!! When I say pay yourself first I mean the first rule of money: save no less than 10% of what you earn, put it in an interest bearing savings or money market account and LEAVE IT THERE! Then budget the 90% to pay your bills and buy cute jeans. I promise you that if you will follow just this first and most important rule of money you will never go without, at least for very long. If you take that 10% first and set it to work for you you’ll hardly even notice it’s gone and then when your transmission goes out you won’t end up having to choose between paying your rent and taking the bus or worse yet hoofing it, getting STRESSED OUT and not be having a blast. But if you are able to do fix your car and pay your rent because you’ve prepared for the unexpected? No worries, mate! And here’s the other thing - if your transmission doesn’t go out then the money sits in that bank account and guess what? It starts making babies!!! If you get this now? Get in the habit of living within your means now? WOW!!! I’m hoping you will do this…my foster mom counseled us in this way and I was good for a little while and then stopped - and I was always and forever broke after that. Once you are on your own it is hard to get it going again - just something to think about.
December 31st, 2008 at 8:21 pm
This is a big question but I’ll try to chip away at an answer and perhaps follow up with additional thoughts in the future.
One thought that comes to mind is consider delaying your “independence”. I recently was at a presentation at the University of Washington’s Sociology Department, where they showed some pretty compelling information that showed how those youth in foster care that delayed their emancipation did much better than those that left as a teenagers (in education, income, overall success). The system used to kick us out on our 18th birthday but there is a lot more of an awareness of the value of allowing youth in care to stay until they are older- how many kids in “normal” homes are going it alone at 18? Not many.
Another thought, find a build a network and community of peers, friends, mentors, coaches, etc that will help you be successful. There are a lot of organizations out there that are trying to help disadvantaged young people and programs and scholarships with schools that will help you. My support network has been a big part of my success so far.
Get doing something positive. I don’t know if it means going straight into college (my recommendation), heading off to a mission or the Peace Corp, the military, or some other way to get involved in working hard and building your character, but those that I’ve seen who just sit around after leaving foster care seem to struggle with finding their direction and finding success in life.
Okay, so these were a little broad but hopefully these additions are valuable. I’ll be back with more later.
Happy New Year!
January 13th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Like pennies in a wishing well I try but could never tell where this winding road of life will lead tomorrow, but in between the how and why the questions of the day go by. there’s troubles everywhere I go, no end to lessons to be learned and it scares wondering what’s around the corner. One thing brings me peace of mind is knowing that I am safe in the stillness of the moment spent down on my knees.
I was in foster care for a while with good and bad foster parents. It’s like you go from one bad home to another. I got to the point that I didn’t know who i was or if my life was going anywhere, but there is all ways hope even for the hopeless.
May 30th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
A couple of additional thoughts:
If you’re in foster care, and you know that you’ll be leaving the system at 18 or whatever age, of course you can go through the Independent Living Program and receive some basic lifeskills training. Even if you don’t go through the program, I would encourage you to take on as much responsibility for yourself as you can- possibly gradually increasing your independence while you are still living within the “safety net” of foster care. Faced with the reality of living on your own, I can’t imagine a foster parent or caseworker that wouldn’t be willing to plan a way for you to prepare even without a formal program (within reason of course).
Get connected with people that know about scholarships. There are so many scholarships for which an alum of the foster care system would qualify for. Most of us don’t (didn’t) learn about these until it’s too late to take advantage of them. Also, there are great organizations like orphan.org and many regional ones that help youth and alumni of the foster care system find and access resources.
September 7th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
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